10 TIPS FOR RAISING HAPPY CHILDREN
In the conference “Secrets to Happy Families” organized by Tarsus SEV Elementary School and PTA, psychologist Nurcan Gökçakan reminded that houses are safe havens for children. “Do not turn them into study centers, and just be their parent”.
1.KNOW YOURSELF: Happiness starts by getting to know oneself. You can make your family members happy only by your own happiness. Stop for 3-4 times in a day and hear yourself say “I am troubled, I am concerned, I am anygy, I am excited…) to raise your self-awareness.
2.THINK FOR A MOMENT BEFORE GIVING PENALTIES: Follow the same rule when you are punishing your child: listening to yourself for 60 seconds before any intervention. The worst words you can say to your son or daughter are uttered in that one moment. You may forget about it later, but your child may never forget it. 3.JUST BE THEIR MOTHER: Stay sincere and honest, and feel free to tell them that “you would probably do the same mistake when you were their age”. If you cannot just be their parents and try to be the teacher, judge, guardian, police then you are leaving them alone!
4.DO NOT TURN YOUR HOME INTO A STUDY CENTER: Your main role is to create a positive and supportive parent energy in the house, instead of shutting them in one room to study. The education system is already too demanding!
5.LOVE LIKE A GRANDMOTHER: The new generation is unfortunately unhappy and stressed, the reason being their consuming everything very early, and their access to technology. The solution of course is not taking these things away from them, but the right approach. Try to love them like your parents.
6.FEEL FREE TO PLAY THE “MISERABLE MOTHER” CARD: Your body language and approach is very important. If you are in too much conflict, tell your child “I think I am not able to do this, and fail to understand you, can you tell me how you want me to treat you?” in an aggrieved manner. If you are harsh in giving this message, you will never get them on your side.
7.DO NOT INSIST ON THEIR TIDYING THEIR ROOM: Majority of the complaints from parents are about messy rooms. “But I tell families to consult me if their 14-20 year old tidies their room like I do, since they may have OCD”. Sometimes notes you will write to them may also be very useful.
8.BE CLOSE TO THEM WHEN THEY ARE STUDYING: You can continue reading your book, newspaper, sewing etc. and sit close to them. It is good that they feel your presence.
9.DO NOT LEAVE EVERYTHING TO THE PRIVATE TUTOR: You can ask them how you can help with their studies. It is you who can put your heart and soul in their learning, not the private tutor who is paid to teach them!
10.LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD: Make sure you listen to them. Refrain from interrupting what they have to say with a refusal of a possible permission to go out, while all they want to say is “thank you for the delicious dinner”.